keskiviikko 26. helmikuuta 2014

My valuable burdens

Why is it so hard for me to toss out things?  The heaviest load of things is my own work.

I've kept a journal since I was 12 years old.  I don't even know how many of those little books I have.  There are dozens at my parent's house, as well as here in my home.  I fill up a couple a year.  I think the amount is fifty or sixty at the moment.

I love those diaries.  I know people who really indeed wish to part with their past self and with that those old journals, but I do somehow consider my old self valuable, as well as the lessons her thoughts offer.  Because, if I pick up one of those books, and start reading it, don't I find some wonderful and valuable about myself, things I have forgotten, something I would not have seen without this particular book?  If knowing yourself is a journey, that lasts all your life, aren't all those notes precious traces of that passage, especially, when each piece contains at least one crystal clear, beautiful though?  Of course we have limited time in this life, and I might not read all of them from cover to cover ever again - but who knows?  Maybe, as an old lady I'd like to do that some time, and I'd have the time?  How sad would I be, if then I'd notice I got rid of those books, that won't take any more space than a couple of boxes do.

Writing down on your diary, especially by hand, has been and still is for me, maintaining my mental health.  I've read some news about studies that show that brain functions more effectively when you write with your hands instead of a keyboard.

The other place where I store up things are my archives.  I have to admit I haven't touched all the papers I collected when studying in college, but I do think I might like to look at them some time.  I've stored whole plays, and all kind of photocopies on different most interesting school subjects, and of course self-written notes after notes, bunch of written and drawn material.  With art there is nothing boring or numbing about the most of the study materials.  I've kept those chosen materials because I think that I might find something there.  Like the books you believe you'll read again.

The concrete biggest burden I find with my paintings.  From when I was studying I have several paintings that are rolled up, and over one meter long and wide, the largest at my parent's, at my home some of the not-so-important ones...  and I really don't know what to do about those.  Should I donate the less significant ones out through Facebook, for instance, put frames on the favorites and hang them up at home?  Give some of them to friends and relatives?  Standard A2 stuff I have in a couple of cool vintage suitcases, but what about those huge rolls...  however the big scale artist might have stuff that fill up big rooms and storage spaces and somehow they manage to handle their archives.  I'm not ready to depart with these works, at least not to throw them in the garbage.  The thought of handing them out to friends and relatives does tickle me though.  I'm letting that idea grow on me.

Then, there are photos and letters, I just got a new box from my parents and got stuck reading them for quite a while.  So much love and affections from years ago, messages from friends I haven't seen in years, photos from my high school year as an exchange student, from middle school...  so many memories, so many special and forgotten glimpses of my life story.

Does someone turn memories like this into digital form?  And do they in this physical form take up so much space you can't keep them?  Or are these the things you actually should keep?

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